so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
