i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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