Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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