Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
