I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
