I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
