and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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