I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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