Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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