____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
