I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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