Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
