First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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