I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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