I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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