You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
