the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
