dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize