wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
