dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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