Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize