Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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