i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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