Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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