i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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