Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
