The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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