somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize