I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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