You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's get the cat blown out
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
