I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
