i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
