My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
