dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
