it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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