I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
