and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
a search helicopter?!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
