I cockslap morals
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
