yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
