A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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