so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
