no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
