she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
