I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry about my life...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
