I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize