Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
