In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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