someone get that fucking seahorse.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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