So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
