im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we're making bets on your personal life
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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