Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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