I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
