im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
