You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
so much tequila, so little girl.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
