I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
