I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
