Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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