I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
