And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
