im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
