WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
