dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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