im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize