I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
