She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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