just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize