Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
